It’s been nearly a year since my last post. A year. I had to take a step back and focus on life- both mundane and spiritual. I needed to break down, so I could build myself up again. I needed to examine every aspect of my being, keep what served me and cut out what did not.
In the months of my silence I have fallen in love, then had my heart broken.I have made new friendships, rekindled old ones, and have lost friends. I have taken a leap of faith and quit my corporate job of many years to start a new career that has allowed me to be of service to others- and I can tell you, it’s been rewarding, not monetarily but soulfully rather. I have looked at my witchcraft and again, changed what needed to be changed and kept what works.
During the summer I became so detached from my magical family that I seemed a mere stranger to them. Of course I would still attend coven functions, rituals, and other events. All the while I was distance, opaque, and cold. They noticed. But instead of dismissing me or turning their backs on me, they helped to carry my burden, to be a lighted guide through the underworld of the darkness I was facing. For this, I will always love them. They are more than just friends,they are family. My tribe.
Darlings, it’s been hell, but it’s been worth it. Spiritual awakenings are more often than not a real bitch. It hurt. I have the scars and the tear-stained pillows to show it. Not being one to show much emotion- I had found myself on numerous occasions crying myself to sleep, breaking down during a car ride when a particular song played or a sad or happy thought crossed my mind.
When I thought I couldn’t go on, something happened. The light began to change. Slowly, but continually. I began to see the beauty of the world again. To truly see the love I have with those so near and dear to me. I began to feel like myself again, not just the shell of the person I was. To appreciate life again.
I tell you this story, not to seek sympathy of what life has been like, but rather to share the need for breaking down. The need to go through shit and come out on the other side -somewhat scathed mind you- stronger, humbled and thankful. The dark trappings of our soul are not meant to destroy us, but to teach us those tough lessons so that we may see the light changing and to accept it.
Be thankful for the dark, because once you look into the depths of your soul and can accept what is there then you learn to accept yourself. Every part of it.
I am returning to my beloved mountains in the morning. I have longed to stand at their base and stare in awe at their unyielding majesty. To soak in the cool, crisp air, and give thanks for their medicine.
The thinning of the veil…
Can you feel the thinning of the veil as Samhain fast approaches? The lines between this world and the other are so blurred sometimes I am not even sure which realm I am in. Shadows whisper during the evening, I catch glimpses of spirits curiously watching me, and the ancestors are awaiting the return home. Be sure to light a candle for them, and leave em some fresh water. They’ll be much appreciative of this small kindness.
Blessings of the dark and of your ancestors to you all,